Through the years, I’ve had many women show me what the warmth of sisterhood feels like. I’ve enjoyed almost 30 years of friendship with my best friend who I met in middle school. I am fortunate to be a member of an NPHC sorority and a business sorority that offer me opportunities to serve my community in sisterhood. As I’ve moved through various stages of different aspects of my life, I have felt sisterhood from women who turned out to be lifelong connections and also from those who were there for a specific season of my life. No matter how long a woman is in my life, I value the sisterhood she showed me, and I hope that I was as much of a sister to her as she was to me. However, I know this may not be the experience that some women have when it comes to cultivating the essence of sisterhood. Unfortunately, some of us may feel the pain of rejection, betrayal, and dismissal from women we considered to be sisters, and this puts a damper on our concept of sisterhood in general. I’ve learned over the years that there’s a few things women can do to try to avoid this type of pain and feel more of what true sisterhood has to offer: 

Start with a foundation of shared values

Just like in romantic relationships, we must vet women who we let into our lives as friends as well. Many times we become so excited to meet another woman that we take the fact that we connect with her on superficial elements to mean that this is a woman who needs to automatically become a trusted member of our inner circle. This is especially true for Black women since we are often in spaces where we are one of a few. 

Make sure that you have initial conversations around values with women who you see as potential friends so that you will know where you both stand on important issues. This will result in less misunderstandings in the end. 

As with any relationship, always consult God first through prayer to discern if a particular friendship is in alignment with what He has for you. Prayer doesn’t stop there. Be the type of friend who always prays for her friends through good times, bad times, times when you talk regularly and times when there’s distance between you. 

Be open to sisterhood coming in unexpected forms

Another thing we as women tend to do in friendships that mirrors the way some of us manage romantic relationships is we get a visual or a specific characterization in mind about who we want as friends and we may not pursue friendships with women who fall outside of some of the superficial elements of this characterization. 

Also, take time to appreciate some of the displays of sisterhood that you may experience on a daily basis in passing. The older woman who gave you a little motherly advice, the younger woman who showed you how to use a piece of technology you are unfamiliar with, and women who compliment you on your personal style all show sisterhood in a way that doesn’t necessarily always blossom into a friendship, but it is a show of sisterhood nonetheless. When you think about all of these experiences, you are bound to be grateful for all of the ways women around you support you, lift you up, and allow you to feel their warmth. 

What are some ways that women have shown you sisterhood in your everyday life? Let me know in the comments!